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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24364921">i'll see you in the future (when we're older).</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/iammadeofmemories/pseuds/iammadeofmemories'>iammadeofmemories</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>(but like honestly super implied), (nothing explicit i promise), Canon Compliant, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff and Angst, Friends to Lovers, Implied Sexual Content, M/M, Marauders Era (Harry Potter), Orion Black's A+ Parenting, Therefore, Unhappy Ending, Walburga Black's A+ Parenting, a chronological story? from me? you don't say, one of these days i will write a happy ending, sorry - Freeform</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-05-25</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-05-25</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-04 10:34:44</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>3,649</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24364921</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/iammadeofmemories/pseuds/iammadeofmemories</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>How they met. </p><p>How they fell in love. </p><p>How they, inevitably, fell apart. </p><p>Remus and Sirius, from that first year at Hogwarts 'till November 3rd, 1981.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Sirius Black/Remus Lupin</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>4</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>45</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>i'll see you in the future (when we're older).</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Just your good, ol' wolfstar at Hogwarts story. Tried to stick as closely to whatever canon we have of them, but this is my own take on these characters whom I hold so close to my heart. </p><p>My beautiful Anne has been bothering me to write this, and finally here it is, happy birthday darling!</p><p>Title from 'Laughter Lines' by Bastille. </p><p>None of the characters or settings are mine, unfortunately. And, as usual, English is not my first language, I apologise for any mistakes. </p><p>Enjoy!</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>They are eleven years old and they haven’t met. </p><p>Sirius Black has just spend his first ever ride in the Hogwarts Express with a quiet kid named Peter Pettigrew (he can imagine what Bellatrix would have said at the surname. <em>Pettigrew?</em> his cousin’s voice mocks in his head. <em>Never heard of them. Not much of a proper wizard, is he?</em>) and a boy with a mess of wild, black hair over his head and way too much enthusiasm regarding the Gryffindor house. He is the Potter’s kid and Sirius, who found himself relaxing more and more as the train left London, is wary to admit that he doesn’t despise him as much as his father would love him to. </p><p>(And he knows he should, <em>he should</em> hate James Potter with all his being because he is <em>wrong</em>. The Potters are blood traitors, friends of mudbloods and muggles alike, and they dishonour their magical heritage by merely existing. He knows all of this, his mother’s lessons engraved with fire in his mind but, but…</p><p>James is <em>kind</em>. James smiled at him without thinking it twice, offered him chocolate frogs without expecting anything in return and when he put an arm around his shoulders he did so without malice, in a way only Regulus and his Uncle Alphard had done before.)</p><p>When arriving, (and Sirius is trying hard not to gape at the sight of the castle; his mother raised him as a gentleman worthy of carrying the Black name and Merlin forbid them of allowing themselves to show anything more than contempt. James and Peter do not share the same decorum.) the three of them share the boat with another kid that seems almost scared of his own shadow, with light brown hair and a couple of scars marking his face. But when grey eyes meet the stranger’s gaze, Sirius finds a challenge in hazel eyes, as if daring him to say anything. </p><p>Sirius doesn’t. </p><p>Later that night, when Sirius is in a tower and not in the dungeons, he is staring at his school robes and tie, fighting the sense of <em>wrong wrong wrong wrongwrongwrong</em> at the red and gold that meet his eyes, almost wishing he could change them to green and silver. </p><p>(But this is what he wanted, isn’t it? To leave. To finally separate himself from his family, to prove himself that he is more, that he <em>can</em> be more, than just a Black. </p><p>Then why is he so <em>afraid</em>?)</p><p>“Hey, are you alright?” Sirius nearly jumps at the voice: it’s the scarred kid, the one who limited himself to smile when James announced they would all be best mates, before passing out on his bed, Peter following him shortly after. </p><p>Quietly, the kid leaves his bed and goes to sit down on Sirius’, looking unsure if he’s welcome, but still offering a willing ear. </p><p>“I should be in Slytherin.” the words leave his mouth before he can do anything to stop them, but once he starts he can’t seem to keep silent.  “Everyone expected me to be in Slytherin. <em>I should have been in Slytherin.</em>”</p><p>The other boy remains silent for a moment, and Sirius thinks he screwed things up (<em>again</em>, his father’s voice reminds him inside his head), before he asks something Sirius had never dared to even think: </p><p>“Did you want to be?”</p><p>His gut reaction is to tell him <em>of course, I am a Black!</em> But that, that are his parents talking, teaching him and Regulus of the values of the Noble and Most Ancient House of Black. It’s Narcissa’s voice, reminding him that he is heir, that he must make them proud. </p><p>But, did he want to? </p><p>“Not really.” he admits, expecting his mother to appear out of nowhere to give him a proper scolding. “But I’m… I’m not brave enough to be in Gryffindor.”</p><p>And that’s the problem, isn’t it? He is not brave. He can never tell his dad what he really thinks about muggles, or put himself between Andromeda and Bellatrix when it seems like they will scream themselves hoarse. He simply doesn’t have it in him. </p><p>(What Sirius Black doesn’t know, is that a very different kind of bravery is needed to step in front of his little brother every time their father raises his hand, and that this particular kind is practically pouring out of every fiber of his being.)</p><p>“Neither am I.” Sirius tries not to seem surprised at the statement.“Not like James.”</p><p>He can’t help it, he snorts. “No one is like James.”</p><p>“True.” the kid concedes, to then offer him a smile. “Guess we, umm, we’ll have to try together.” He extends a hand, Sirius doubts only a second before taking it. “I’m Remus Lupin.”</p><p>“Sirius.” He leaves his last name unsaid, he doesn’t want to lose this -friendship? is this what it is?- just yet. </p><p>(And he knows he will have to. Lyall Lupin is a disgrace within the magical community, and mother would say… Well, he thinks, looking at the lion that now decorates his robes, it doesn’t matter much what mother would say, right?)</p><p>The next morning, after breakfast, after the howler his mother sends him, after him leaving the Great Hall when hearing <em>you ungrateful, little disgrace!</em>, it is Remus who finds him in one of the corners of the castle, hands curled up in fists and unshed tears shining in his eyes. </p><p>Remus says nothing; he limits himself to fall down besides him and breaks a chocolate tablet in two, before giving him the bigger part. </p><p><em>Yeah</em>, he thinks, as he lays down on Remus’ shoulder, finally allowing himself to cry. <em>We’ll try together. We’ll be brave together.</em></p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>&amp;&amp;&amp;&amp;&amp;&amp;</strong>
</p><p> </p><p>They are twelve, it’s almost Halloween of their second year and Remus is trying his hardest not to cry.</p><p>They should have really thought about how to approach this, Sirius thinks, instead of simply waking up one morning, calmly surround Remus’ bed and tell him: “Hey mate, we know you’re a werewolf.” Now, Remus is stuttering and shaking his head so fast it’s a miracle he doesn’t get some kind of whiplash. </p><p>He exchanges a look with James, who limits himself to shrug. Peter looks as clueless as them. </p><p>Surprisingly enough, is Remus who speaks first. </p><p>“How- how did you find out?”</p><p>“You disappear every time the moon is full.” James puts his hands in his pockets as he speaks, balancing himself on his heels. “And, well, we live with you. It was just a matter of paying attention.”</p><p>James is right, but at the same time he isn’t. They had all commented on how weird it was that Remus’ mother was ill every month, but James and Peter had been fine in leaving it like that. Sirius should have been, too, it’s just that…</p><p>He had been <em>worried</em>. Remus always looked so worned out when he came back, new scars covering his arms and bad dreams they pretended not to hear haunting his mind, and he wondered what the hell was actually happening. </p><p>(He wondered, only for a moment, if Remus’ house was like his own.)</p><p>It wasn’t that hard to convince James and Peter to dig a little deeper, to write alongside James purely hypothetical questions to his parents, for Peter to go wander into the library in the search for magical creatures of the night. The pieces had all fallen perfectly into place. </p><p>(It also wasn’t hard to decide that it didn’t change a thing of who Remus was. He was <em>their friend</em>, and that’s all that mattered.) </p><p>And now here they are: Remus is still slightly shaking, but now looks at them with a grimly resigned look on his face. </p><p>“Will you tell everyone now, then?”</p><p>The three of them cross looks, confused. </p><p>“What?” Peter sputters, apparently the first one in recover the ability to speak. “Of course not. Why would you think that?”</p><p>In any other situation, Sirius would have found Remus’ surprised face funny, but now it only makes a bad feeling settle in the pit of his stomach. Why would Remus think that? That they would be so cruel as to strip him of Hogwarts, the place they all love, the place where they met. </p><p>(The place where Sirius is.)</p><p>“Because I’m- I’m a monster!”</p><p>Sirius swears he doesn’t laugh in purpose, but that mere statement is ridiculous. His friend? A monster? Yeah, right. </p><p>Remus gives him a look that he promptly ignores, before sitting down next to him. </p><p>“Sorry for not running at the sight of you, mate.” He puts an arm around his shoulder and Remus tenses. “All the jumpers and chocolates aren’t exactly my definition of ‘scary’.”</p><p>“Yeah!” Peter is quick to agree. “You just, eh, have a little problem.”</p><p>James grins. “A furry, little problem.”</p><p>The three of them groan at James’ commentary, but Sirius sees how it has helped: he feels Remus’ shoulders’ relax, and notices a little smile starting to form on his face. If he engulfs Remus in a hug so the rest can’t see him cry (not in fear, not anymore; <em>in relief</em>), well, that’s nobody's business but their own.  </p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>&amp;&amp;&amp;&amp;&amp;&amp;</strong>
</p><p> </p><p>They are fourteen and Sirius Black has just kissed Remus Lupin for the first time, right in the middle of the infirmary. </p><p>It had been a rougher full moon than usual, and Remus hasn’t been able to leave the infirmary for two days now, his bones adjusting themselves to their normal shape, his throat sore and aching for letting the Wolf cry into the night.</p><p>Sirius is next to his bed (because it <em>is</em> Remus’ bed, he’s been using it since he first started at Hogwarts), calmly watching his friend’s chest rise and lower at the rhythm of his breathing, reminding himself that he is fine, Remus is fine, and promptly ignoring the flicker of worry that aches in his heart. He hasn’t woken since the morning next to the full moon, and Sirius has nearly bitten his nails off in frustration.</p><p>(He also ignores the little voice in his head that tells hims he is making too much fuss over just a <em>friend</em>. That is something he won’t acknowledge. Not now. Probably not <em>ever</em>.)</p><p>James and Peter left for dinner nearly half an hour ago, with Peter promising that they’d bring him something to eat. They all try to have Remus wake up when one of them is by his side, taking turns between classes and meals, and this time is Sirius’ turn. </p><p>(No that he minds much, to be honest.)</p><p>He is dozing off, making blue sparks out of his wand to keep himself awake when Remus starts coughing, before -finally, <em>finally</em>- opening his eyes. </p><p>Sirius doesn’t doubt it for a single second before hugging him. “Moony!”</p><p>“You scared me, you bloody idiot! You weren’t waking up!” he punches him lightly in the arm, careful of the bandages that cover Remus’ collarbone. The mere sight of them is enough to frighten him again. </p><p>(They have to work harder, Sirius decides. The animagi process is a long one, they knew, but they must finish as soon as possible. He is not sure he will be able to stand much longer the fact that Remus is hurting every month, and that he can’t do a bloody thing about it.)</p><p>Remus laughs, just a little, and Sirius ignores the flutter his heart just made. “I’m fine, Sirius, I promise. I’m used to it.”</p><p>“Doesn’t mean I have to like it.” He mutters, turning around to hide his face. Remus doesn’t let him: he grabs him by the arm, as he struggles to sit properly on the bed.  </p><p>“You are a literal child, Sirius Black, honestly.” Remus rolls his eyes, a sided smile on his lips. Sirius still doesn’t look at him, and he soon discovers why. “Sirius? Are you- are you crying?”</p><p>He shakes his head. Sirius Black is definitely not crying. He has just been so scared, and his heart doesn’t seem to want to shut the fuck up, already… He notices Remus is about to open his mouth, a wicked look on his eyes, and Sirius knows he will never hear the end of this. </p><p>So, he leans forward and kisses his best friend right on the mouth. </p><p>It’s light, chaste, almost innocent, and it’s becoming just the right amount of sweet before a thousand flares light up in Sirius’ brain. <em>What the hell are you doing?</em> </p><p>He separates himself as fast as he is able to, face burning red. He has finally done it! He has completely fucked up his relationship with his best friend. </p><p>“Sorry, sorry, sorry. I don’t- I mean-” he speaks between panicked breaths, not daring to look at Remus. </p><p>(His father’s voice screams in his brain. <em>Disgusting!</em></p><p>What has he done?)</p><p>“Sirius. Sirius please, look at me.” He does, how can he not? He has never been able to deny him anything. Remus’ face is unreadable. “Do you regret it?” </p><p>He shakes his head. He may never be able to look at him in the eyes again, but he owes Remus the truth.  </p><p>“Then, would you mind do it again?” This time, he does look at him in the eyes: turns out, Sirius is not the only one blushing, since Remus is red ‘till the tip of his ears, but still manages to give him a shy smile. </p><p>“Do you, umm, do you really want me to?” he needs to be sure, he can’t fuck this up, not with Remus…</p><p>Remus nods. And, well, when has Sirius Black ever being able to deny Remus Lupin anything? </p><p>Slowly, he leans down again, pressing his lips just lightly again Remus’. They taste sweet, a mixture between mint and chocolate and something so inexplicable <em>Remus</em>, that Sirius can’t help but smile as he kisses him. One of Remus’ hand has found its way to Sirius’ cheek and, after weeks of doubts and half-arsed excuses, everything finally feels <em>right</em>. </p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>&amp;&amp;&amp;&amp;&amp;&amp;</strong>
</p><p> </p><p>They are sixteen and Sirius can’t stop trembling. </p><p>His mother’s shouts still ring in his ears, the clashing of ornaments against the floor, the dooming, inescapable  <em>fear</em> when she picked up her wand. </p><p><em>I’m going to die.</em> The thought had come out of nowhere, but he knew it to be true. Because he would, either by going insane or by his mother’s own hand. <em>I can’t stay here.</em></p><p>The realisation hit him with the force of a hurricane. <em>I can’t stay here.</em> </p><p>He barely had the time to run to his room, grab a coat, a bag with his school materials and… his wand, where the fuck was his wand? His mother started screaming again.</p><p>He ran. Down the staircase and through the door, the beating of his heart echoing in his ears. He didn’t look back. <em>I can’t stay here.</em> </p><p>(Except <em>he did</em>. He saw his brother’s face before going out the door, half-hidden in the shadows. </p><p><em>Come with me</em>, he pleaded. Regulus slowly shook his head. </p><p><em>Please, I</em>, his brother didn’t let him finish. He pushed him through the door, not without placing Sirius’ wand in his hand, a finger over his lips. </p><p>Grey eyes met their mirror then, and Sirius wished. Wished his brother wasn’t a stubborn pain in the ass, wished he didn’t feel the need to stay, wished he could simply grab him too and get them both the hell out of there…</p><p>A thunderous voice resounded within the Manor. Orion Black had arrived. </p><p>Sirius ran. Regulus ignored the tears in his eyes.)</p><p>At some point, he supposes, he must have found his way to James’ house. Someone must have opened the door for him, placed him carefully in front of the fireplace and put a blanket over his shoulders. He doesn’t know. He is not exactly sure he cares. </p><p>James is worried, he knows, and he probably has the right to be, since Sirius hasn’t said a word since he arrived. To be honest, he doesn’t think he is able anymore. </p><p>Someone enters the room, but Sirius barely registers it. James has been trying to make him talk for awhile now, and Sirius is not sure what makes him think this time he’ll succeed. </p><p>“Pads?” That... is most certainly not James’ voice. </p><p>With some difficulty, Sirius turns his head around, only to find Remus’ worried face staring back at him. James must have called them, he thinks, vaguely recognising Peter’s voice somewhere outside the room. Remus smiles at him, badly concealed concern shines in his hazel eyes, before laying down next to him, wrapping his arms around him. </p><p>Sirius hides his face in his boyfriend’s chest, feeling pathetically coward, but letting himself feel safe in the protective werewolf’s embrace. </p><p>(Ironic, isn’t it?) </p><p>He is supposed to be the strong one, he is not the one that breaks his body to let a beast out once a month, after all. He is the one that should be taking care of the others, the one that is always one step in front…</p><p>But he is just so <em>tired</em>. </p><p>“It’s okay, I’m here.” Remus is rocking them back and forth, pressing feather kisses on the top of Sirius’ head. “I’ll take care of you.”</p><p>(Sirius looks at him with unseeing eyes. He doesn’t know this, and never will, but the mere sight of him is breaking Remus’ heart.)</p><p>Sirius wants to believe him, he does, but…</p><p>“You’re out of there. You will never go back again.” There is a fierceness in Remus’ eyes, the ones that remind him that he is more than shy smiles and warm eyes. There’s an ancient being laying dormant inside Remus, and it will stop at nothing to protect those he loves. “Go to sleep Padfoot, I’ll be here when you wake up.”</p><p>Sirius does. </p><p>(And Remus stays vigilant the whole night, and wakes him up with a kiss and a smile. They’ll get through this, together. As they always have.)</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>&amp;&amp;&amp;&amp;&amp;&amp;</strong>
</p><p> </p><p>They are seventeen when it happens for the first time. </p><p>More technically, Sirius has been seventeen for about a day when it happens. </p><p>They are supposed to go out with the others, in celebration of Sirius’ birthday. Remus has other plans. </p><p>He leads them through staircases and secret hallways, both of them laughing and struggling with keeping their hands off each other until finally, <em>finally</em>, they reach the Room of Requirement. </p><p>Sirius raises an eyebrow, but it only takes one look at the inside of the Room to make Remus’ intentions quite clear. </p><p>It’s a blur from then on: all fumbling hands, passionate tongues and whispered I love you’s. All harsh kisses and sweet words, pure adoration in Remus’ eyes, nervous excitement in Sirius’. </p><p>It’s new and it’s different and it gets messy when they move wrong, or too hard or too slow, but they still finish with their mouths interlocked, none of them too interested in a concept as simple as breathing for the moment. </p><p>When it’s over, when they are both wrapped within the other that it gets quite difficult to say where one starts and the other ends, Sirius gets just the tiniest bit closer, presses a gentle kiss to Remus’ jaw and whispers: “Best birthday <em>ever</em>.”</p><p>Remus laughs. </p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>&amp;&amp;&amp;&amp;&amp;&amp;</strong>
</p><p> </p><p>They are nineteen and are watching their best friends get married.  </p><p>Sirius can’t believe it: after all they’ve been through, after all the rejected offers, passing through nervous first dates all the way to the announcement of <em>I’m getting married Padfoot!</em>, Sirius is still having trouble trusting his eyes, even though it’s quite clear that James Potter and Lily Evans are a few words short of saying ‘I do’. </p><p>He is happy, truly and without doubt, something that is becoming quite rare as days pass. Voldemort keeps gaining followers, the Order’s missions are growing more dangerous and more desperate each time, and the gloom days seem to have no end on sight. But now, as he watches James (<em>his brother</em>, and no, he is not thinking about Regulus. He won’t, <em>this is supposed to be a happy day, goddamnit-</em>) smile at Lily with such awe, with such pure love, he wants to hope, so badly, that things will be alright. </p><p>“Who would have thought?” Remus’ voice, as usual, gets him out of his own head. He is standing next to him, looking as handsome as ever, and Sirius still thanks whoever may be listening that he has the privilege of waking up every day next to this man. “That Prongs would do it.”</p><p>And that he did. Lily had warmed her way into all their hearts, accepting her as one of their own, and Sirius doesn’t know two people who deserve more happiness that them. Besides, it’s funnier to prank Prongs when Lily offers her help. </p><p>“...You may kiss the bride.”</p><p>They clap, their perfect little bubble that keeps away the shitshow going on outside, and Sirius turns to look at his boyfriend one more time. <em>One day</em>, he dares to wish. <em>One day it will be you and I.</em>  </p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>&amp;&amp;&amp;&amp;&amp;&amp;</strong>
</p><p> </p><p>He has been barely twenty-two for a couple of days, it's been a week since he arrived at Azkaban, and Sirius wishes he could say that the fight has not left him. That the fire that burned underneath his eyelids is still there, that he is still capable of feeling more than pain and cold and loneliness.</p><p> It’s a goddamn lie, he knows it, and hates himself for it. </p><p>Outside, the moon is close to finish her cycle, and Sirius allows himself to think about Remus, his Moony, his partner, the man he left. He allows himself to think of the ring he and James had chosen, of his plans to propose on Christmas Eve. </p><p>Sirius Black is twenty-two years old, way too young to have lost everything, way too young to be rotting in a cell in the worst place on Earth. </p><p>He hides his face in his hands. And weeps.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Thank you for reading!</p><p>find me at tumblr: goldenachilles</p></blockquote></div></div>
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